Plastic Farm Animal War The pig couldn't believe his eyes when the cow got out the flame thrower. Last week it was the cow who resorted to using the oven. And it was the cow who kept putting long strips of glue across their farmyard. That damn cow. It was always that damn cow that got them in trouble. You never saw the horses or the chickens doing anything that stupid. They were well beyond the immaturity that came with being new to the place. That dumb, stupid, moo-for-brains cow. It had always been the bovine thing to do; to cause trouble. Last year, the resident cow had almost gotten them fused. It seems that he had acquired a strange fascination with fire, and had spilled his collection of gasoline (accidentally) all over their farmyard. And then, he had (accidentally) dropped his lighter into it. Lets just say that the cow was always into mischief and needed to be watched. The cow, he claimed it was because he wasn't getting laid enough. That he had to vent his frustration in other ways. The rabbits had offered their prestigious services, but the cow declined, saying that he would wait until a more worthy prospect showed up. In the meantime, the pig and the horses set up a special council of peers to discuss the matter. The rooster said that she had a cousin who was a cow and she would ask her to come live with them. The barncats hissed and growled about the chaos the cow was creating and moved to vote on removal of the cow. The goats seconded that motion and the pig hushed them down by reminding them that they were here to find a solution, and not for mudslinging. That would be at the regular meeting. After some discussion, the owl was asked to watch the cow at night, which he wisely agreed to, and the rest of the day was split up between them. They all agreed that the best course of action was to babysit the pyromaniac cow. And that was when the cow found the hedge-clipping shears. It will be easier to say that he single-handedly wreaked havoc on the farmyard, rather than spell out exactly everything he did. One of the barncats had lost a tail because of the cow, and he was going around with a petition, making everyone sign it. When the cow found out, he grabbed his hedge-clippers and starting in the center, started to cut a large hole right in the middle of the farmyard. That is when all hell broke loose. The hens were pecking nervously and the dog was running circles. The pig and the sheep were furiously trying to repair the cut with scraps of fence and some string that had been used to flog the wolf to death earlier that summer. You could see the sweat pouring off the body of the pig, leaving clean tracks across his muddy body. He was really nervous. The sheep bleated some kind of useless advice to the pig and the pig tried it. It was no use. The cut would have to stay. The horses cautiously set up fences along the tear so as nobody would fall to their death. The cow was in the corner munching on some grass, as if nothing had gone wrong. He was just chewing his cud when the rooster called out something nasty and they ganged up and beat the shit out of the cow. It was no use for the cow to try and fight. There were just too many of them. He did manage to kick one of the hens across the farmyard, but it just hit the outer fence, got up and joined in on the fray again. There has never been a massacre like it before. There were farm animals everywhere. On the barn roof, in the feeding troughs, slung across the fences, and even a few landed outside the farmyard, never to be seen again. Now, the cow, obviously was at the bottom of this pile, and ironically, it was probably the best place for him. Sure, he was the cause of all this trouble, but what can he do when he gets ganged up on? He mooed pitifully and struggled to get out of the mess of animals. What a ruckus. When it was all over, the cow, the pig and the horses were the only ones left alive. The chickens had gone first as they were the weakest. Then went the rooster and the sheep. Plucked off one by one, the plastic farm animals struggled to stay alive. The cow never got to use his flame thrower and the pig went off sulking. You could tell that next week, the cow was going to pay. He was going to pay big. Okay. Now it is your turn. How should this story end? Please choose one: A. Later, Bobby was told by a stern voice never to leave his plastic farm animals out in the sun again. B. The cow was put into a rocketship by the rest of the farm animals and shot into space never to bother them again. C. The cow committed suicide by drinking anti-freeze. D. All of this never really happened and is just a figment of the author's imagination.