The Doughnut King
by Cameron Barrett
The doughnut king was definitely considered to be a god. All covered in delectable chocolate-maple swirl frosting, he was sought after by all the prospective young doughnut holes. With his perfect consistency of frosting and moist cake-like body, he had won his position as leader of the doughnut world easily. With the help of his army of young followers, mostly raisin-cakes and nut-covered cake doughnuts, he had distributed his free propaganda&emdash;multi-colored sprinkles&emdash;and taken the high throne just one week after the vanilla king had been sold. It was an easy life, that of a doughnut king....until the twinkies arrived.
They moved in after two weeks in office, and the doughnut world was in an uproar. The doughnut king called a special council of the pastries, and they all sat around a big silver table, deciding what exactly to do. After much discussion and cream-slinging, they decided that their best course of action was to send out their meanest looking long-johns. Full of deadly cream, they were the doughnut kingdom's best chance.
Now, the twinkies were not a small organization. Rumors of their global upheaval had been filtering in from the outside for many years, so it wasn't a big surprise to wake up the next morning and find a brand-new yellow, white and red fortress set up adjacent to the doughnut castle. Right away, the doughnut world could see that it was going to be a tough fight. There were many rumors about the twinkies. That they were young, tough, and yellow-skinned, and could not be killed easily. That, once past the age of 2, they turned into these hard-skinned warriors that were impossible to break. Whether any of these rumors were true or not was for the long-johns to find out. Oh, and they had an incredible birth-rate ratio. It seemed that there was an endless supply of twinkies, too many for the doughnut kingdom to overcome.
It was true, that the twinkies were in competition with the doughnuts. It was also true that the twinkies were seen as a newer regimen of people, a class that could survive this new era and make it through these tough times. In short, they were more appealing overall and were often chosen above the old doughnuts for high positions outside the kingdom. This made the high council of pastries worry.
When the first reports from the long-johns came back, the whole doughnut kingdom gathered around to listen to the news. It turned out that the twinkies very unfriendly and did not accept any of the peace-making offers given to them. The doughnut king wiped his frosty brow and looked grimly to the high council. Old Creampuff, the oldest doughnut among them, looked back at the king and slowly shook his head. The king announced the next day that they were all to prepare for the worst. They were going to war.
A pack of jelly-filled doughnuts went out first. They calmly stopped halfway between the doughnut castle and the twinkie fortress and spread their guts all over the ground. Then, the shells that were left went back and helped take care of the old doughnuts and the young doughnut holes. After that, the first wave of long-johns was sent out. They stopped exactly half-way and set themselves up for an all-out attack. What they did next even surprised the twinkies. Before anyone knew what was going on, the long-johns had fired their deadly-cream guts into the twinkie castle, killing about two dozen instantly. A cheer went up from behind. The twinkies, however, had their own plan.
About two minutes later, even before the next wave could be sent out, the twinkies had made their move. They were bouncing off the glass walls of the doughnut castle, using their hard-skinned warriors to try and break the old walls down. Only a few succeeded, but that was enough. Whole swarms of twinkies rushed the doughnut castle, taking the women and children prisoner. About half of the twinkies had gotten stuck in the jelly, and quite a few more had died from the poisonous guts of the long-johns. The sprinkle doughnuts had launched their deadly multi-colored projectiles only to discover that they just bounced off the twinkies tough skin. It was a complete loss.
While the twinkies had possession of the doughnut kingdom, they robbed and pillaged the land, raping the women doughnuts with their long bodies and mercilessly killing the old doughnuts and the children. From the safety area above, the king and then high council heard their pitiful screams and cursed themselves for not being stronger. As a last resort, the king sent down the rest of his troops, a few weak cake doughnuts and the remainder of the high council, to try and win the castle back. They were slaughtered easily.
The doughnut king sat on his perch high above, his beautiful chocolate frosting dripping down the side of his body, and silently wished for a quick ending. The twinkies had won, and there was nothing left to do except somehow figure a way out. Lost deep in thought, the doughnut king did not see the young twinkie sneak up behind him and steal his throne.